Not without you
„We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life.[…]
It’s not quite love and it’s not quite community; it’s just this feeling that there are people, an abundance of people, who are in this together. Who are on your team. When the check is paid and you stay at the table. When it’s four a.m. and no one goes to bed. That night with the guitar. That night we can’t remember. That time we did, we went, we saw, we laughed, we felt.“
I cannot live without my books and it almost breaks my heart when I think about the fact that all my sanctuaries are lying in a box at my dad’s place and are patiently waiting to be loved again. Therefore, it is even more important for me, if I happen to come across a book that fascinated me from the first page on.
I found Marina’s book, or much more the compilation of her texts by her parents, (again) in a bookshop in Lampertheim last summer, because I have recognized the picture on the cover. The milestones of the story of the young woman in the yellow coat can be told relatively quickly: Yale student, speaker at her graduation, author of the above-cited text … and victims of a deadly car accident. But what she has put into words, I can – and will – not recite into one sentence. That would not be fair, because her words made me think, a lot. Back then, and now.
I also asked myself after graduation, where I would take my security, my anchor, from in the future. Would we all go separate ways? Would I be able to find new people who’d share my interests? What if I move? What if I don’t? Were there still people who would support me unconditionally, even if I made decisions that would involve changes?
Almost 10 years later, I now sit here in Brisbane, over 16,000 kilometers away from home, and have managed what Marina has unfortunately been deprived.
Yes, the times are over, in which I have seen my friends every day. Or in which I talked to them until late in the night on the phone, because there were very important things to discuss. Or in which I just climbed my bike and drove to the Neurhein, a place near the river in my home town.
And as much as I remember these days with melancholy, and even though time has become less, I have kept the opposite of loneliness: my (narrowest, craziest, most loving and true) friends have remained! I have my people, my team … and we are still sitting at camp fires, or go to concerts or philosophize about the meaning of life. Just not every day anymore.
And no matter where my journey might lead me and what goals I can achieve in my life, I go my way – but not without you! :) Feel hugged!
You can read the full-lengths text by Marina here … – but I recommend going to the next bookstore and get the whole book. It is worth it!